what's next

I feel like this is the time when people either turn to or discover something to fill the void in there life.

What should it be....
drugs?
smoking?
hard drugs?
alcohol abuse?
meaningless sex with strangers?
jesus?
suicide?
heterosexuality?


neh...
I'll just go back to always wishing I was in bed but never really being able to sleep when I'm in it.
That and school...

Damn I really wish I had a vice sometimes.

Back on the block, really nothing but talk.

Back by demand
Do whatever you can
You look older I can tell by your hands
Drinks only gin, says it's how to keep thin
And she’s crying after every meal
No you don’t know how you’re making me feel

Tell her that I just can’t go on
Tell her that there’s just something wrong

Summer Part I

Part II

Part III

Part IV

Part V

Part VI

Part VII

But all I want is winter and spring back.

07062010

I'm left with the dirty sheets and a dirty feeling.
You're left with the girlfriend and a mind full of fear.








(I wish I could buy back, the woman you stole)

cinderellie

Depression apparently leads to cleaning, clean my room all day yesterday.
Cleaned a friends place today, I wonder what I'll do tomorrow?
Oh right clean the closet.

fml.

It's beyond me.

I guess I should have seen it coming the whole time, how were we not doomed really?
But this? I would have expected so much more from us that what we've become.

Every time you said you wanted just me, I knew it was a lie.
Every time you said things with us were different, I knew it was a lie.
Every time we fucked and you said you wanted only me to do it, my ears would burn with the lies.
I know I'm replaceable, it's OK.

But still, I never would have predicted this.
Slowly drowning, letting the water fill your lungs. You don't mind, your 21 with a girl on your arm and a bar to be in when the sun goes down. Shattered by the life around you your now focusing on surrounding yourself with things. Trinkets almost, unimportant machines, but oh how they make you feel better. You want your food handed to you by a stranger, never a home cooked meal. You want your nights surrounded by little glasses with black straws, each one making you feel a tiny bit better. No one can really handle the truth these days and I'm not far behind you on that.

I mean who am I?
I could never compete, I'm just a "student" who likes nature and the harshness of reality.
I could never compete, a thin hairless thing with a car?
I just have these legs, my love and all the fur that come along with it.

I can't be too jealous, obviously she's a fucking idiot if she can't see everything.
Drive your car some more and tell yourself its just her being a wild 21 year old. Ignore her demons, we cant do anything about them anyways.
And I can't cry too much, I wanted someone to make me feel utterly useless and lost. Wish granted.

I could never complete you, you can't even complete yourself.
From one girl, to the next, to the next, to the next, to the next, to the next....